My New Car and some Funnies

On Friday I picked up my first new car.
Previously I had only purchased second hand cars.
The car I purchased was a Hyundai Getz SX Hatch,
3 door, manual with all the “mod cons.”
I now join Robyn (Puss in Boots) from Kat’s Cradle
who had one of the first Getzs in Queensland.

Now no comments on the length of the grass as we
have had quite a large amount of….rain, something
we haven’t had for a long time, so it’s worth getting,
thus my lawn mower man hasn’t had a chance to
come and cut the lawn.

OLDER THAN DIRT

"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favourite fast food when you were growing up?"
"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow."
"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"
"It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it."

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a store card. The card was good only at Farmers (now Myers).
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of coloured plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.
I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.
We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favourite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favourite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend:

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old tomato sauce bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

Older Than Dirt Quiz:

How many do you remember?

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.

1.Cho Cho bar
2.Drive ins
3.Candy cigarettes
4.Soft drink machines that dispensed glass bottles
5.Coffee shops or milk bars with tableside juke boxes
6.Home milk delivery in glass bottles with foil
stoppers
7.Party lines
8.Newsreels before the movie
9.Packards
10. Blue flashbulb
11.Telephone numbers with 2 letters and 4 numbers
12. Peashooters
13.Wash tub wringer
14.78 RPM records
15.Metal ice trays with lever
16.Studebakers
17.Cracker night
18.Using hand signals for cars without turn signals
19.Bread delivered by horse and cart
20.Head lights dimmer switches on the floor
21.Ignition switches on the dashboard
22.Heaters mounted on the inside of the wall
23.Real ice boxes
24.Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards
25.Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are the best part of my life.

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at
the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table,
leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!' The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!' The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says,
'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!' At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and

says................................................

'Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk.'

Note to self: 'Cancel credit cards prior to death!

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless
and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today!

A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and
Then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had
been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.
A family member placed a call to the ANZ Bank:
Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'
ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'
ANZ:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member:
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
ANZ:
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to
the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
ANZ:
'Excuse me?'
Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her
being dead?'
ANZ:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'
ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
ANZ:
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Lawyer info given)
ANZ:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member:
'Sure.'
( fax number is given )
After they get the fax:
ANZ:
'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I
can do to help.'
Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing
her. I don't think she will care.'
ANZ:
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'
Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'
ANZ:
'That might help.'
Family Member:
Rookwood Memorial Cemetery, 1249 Centenary Rd, Sydney, Plot Number
1049.'
ANZ:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member:
'Well, what the f**k do you do with dead people on your planet?'

I thought of the recipes Lee posts on her blog when I saw this recipe.

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that! When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

Size 18 chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing
1 cup of uncooked popcorn
Salt & pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 220c.

Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end towards the back of the oven. Listen to the popping sounds. When the chicken's arse blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done.

And you thought I couldn't cook !

STAY!

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the
Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled
down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she must
remain there. ! I walked to the curb backward,
pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady,
gave me a strange look and said,

"Why don't you just put it in park?"